brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
