Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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