Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
