I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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