That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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