she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
