Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
