he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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