areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
How's work?
Spinning.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You are a booty call, not a friend.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
