He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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