I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize