I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
