When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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