Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize