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I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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