btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
YAS. BRING CRAB.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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