he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
