Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
