I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
