Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
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