Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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