Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
