i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
