dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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