Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
