Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
