Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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