Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
