you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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