I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Randomize
