if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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