Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
