I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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