Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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