tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
