just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
