i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
