i need an iv and a liver transplant
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
