just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
