This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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