No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
