im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
