all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
