Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
bring money and cleavage
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
