Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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