i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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