Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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