I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
