You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just tell him i said nine months
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
