a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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