Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
operation harelip BJ is a go
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
