Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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