Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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