I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
