dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Randomize
