My nipple is on Facebook.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
