i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
you had me at cake vodka
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
