FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
