WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize