In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
