I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
