who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
