I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize