i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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