So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
